You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
