We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
