we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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