I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
