I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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