I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They took my balls.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
