Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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