Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
