you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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