she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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