Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
