Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
