I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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