If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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