I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
