The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
