Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ambylanc
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
