Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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