Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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