I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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