god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
