Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
