my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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