i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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