we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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