Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
