I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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