Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
