You surviving the open bar?
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I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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