tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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