The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
