did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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