That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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