Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
