I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
