im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
