i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
