Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
