i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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