Yo dont text me then not text me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
