May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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