Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
