we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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