my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
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wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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