i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
