Someone shit on the floor
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
