I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
two words: eviction party
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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