I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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