i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober