I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.