shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.