a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My nipple is on Facebook.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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