i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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