Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
