I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
