tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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