my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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