Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
