you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
