Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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