I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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