Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
