I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.