would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off