She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased