im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.