the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.