Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
