You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
