So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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