whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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