Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
