dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
