I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
