Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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